wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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