all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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