I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
