Say something about gay babies.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
