Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
