Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
