remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
