guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
