I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
