i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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