I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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