So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
