Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
