I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
