if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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