no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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