I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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