Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
