I'm pants shitting drunk right now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
