Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
