If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
