i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
