Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
from now on my penis is your penis
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
