just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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