My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
