I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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