I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
