Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
