Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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