Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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