One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
