Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
dude. I can hear the air.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
