Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
