she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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