I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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