I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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