How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
