CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
