hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
