Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
