you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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