I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
