you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
