I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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