What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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