I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
