i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
