I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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