I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
