Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
