I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
