last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
