Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
