So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
