What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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