A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
