What a fucking waste of an outfit
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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